did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
