I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
