Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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