it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
