My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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