Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
