What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
