Someone shit on the floor
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
