We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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