He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
