I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
