i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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