I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
