I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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