Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sorry my hands just texted you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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