Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
