Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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