dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize