I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
