Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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