if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she peed on how many people?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Randomize
