The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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