You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
