that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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