So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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