census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
please come you make the beer taste better
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
