i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
