I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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