I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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