If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
