It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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