I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
