his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
