there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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