Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
