I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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