Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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