there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
