Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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