But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Text me some of your sweat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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