And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
