matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
