Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize