She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.