i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
