Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
