So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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