I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
