I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
