My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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