i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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