I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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