Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
