Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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