you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
