He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
