I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
