Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
