half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
