So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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