as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
