Will you blow on my dice?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
