I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wear drunk well.
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