i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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