why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
