i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
