the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
