Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
