if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize