Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
