I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
