STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
