I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
