no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
