I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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