4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
