Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
