You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can't just leave with hair like that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
